Abuse can encompass a lot of things.  Sexual, emotional, physical, alcohol, drug, and others can all show their ugly heads and ruin a marriage.  A majority of these can be stopped cold with marital accountability and good communication.

 One that my wife and I face is alcohol abuse.  My family has a history of alcohol abuse that goes back four generations on both sides, and the years I spent drinking before I came to know Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior are proof that I would be on my way there too.  My wife and I found a unique solution: Marital Accountability.

This came from my wife wanting to be able to serve wine and other alcoholic beverages to some of our friends without having to worry about me abusing them.  In this rare case, I surrender all control over alcohol to my wife.  If I am going to drink it, she will pour it for me, and keep a mark on the bottles where she can see if I have been sneaking anything.

Another method that we use in conjunction with this one is to eliminate temptation as much as possible.  We rarely have alcohol in our home unless it is for company, and even then we try to get enough for everyone to have just one drink with their meal.

Finally if she finds that I’m going out on my own or sneaking alcohol, she has the power to move us since a change of environment is often the best way to break an abusive lifestyle.

 We aren’t worried about the other kinds of abuse in our relationship as much, but we still have a zero-tolerance policy.  If one of use becomes abusive it will be at the risk of the marriage, a drastic step that we put in place because of our strong convictions about marriage and it being a three-way covenant with God.

In summation:

  1. Marital Accountabilty - If only one person struggles, the person who doesn’t gets total control over decisions in that area.
  2. Eliminate Temptation- If it’s not there you can’t succumb to it.
  3. Zero-Tolerance Policy- Abuse should not be allowed to continue and should be addressed immediately with known and severe consequences for the abuser.